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What’s your
family like? Happy? Sad? Both? We’ve all absorbed the idea that families have
“dynamics,” as therapists, social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists
will tell us. At lot of family dynamics talk is based in the negative. What is
wrong with this family? Who is at fault? Who is the designated patient?
Long before
Doctor Phil asked the question, a therapist by the name of Virginia Satir, used
to ask the question, “How is that working for you?” I knew Virginia, and I
believe she discovered that for most families, the way change occurred was not
by identifying how sick or dysfunctional people were. Instead, Virginia gave
families opportunities to reflect on how
something wasn’t working. A humble and loving person, Virginia offered families
a method or perhaps way of being that allowed them room to move, to discover
again what did work well and how to do it.
Then there’s
Jesus, who in this morning’s Gospel asks us to redefine family. He asks us to
move to a different definition of family. He asks to open ourselves to how else
“family” might be defined.
Three main things define most
families. I think that’s one of the reasons Jesus was quick to differentiate
what he meant by family.
· First, Jesus knew, as did Virginia, that families are
closed systems.
· Second, new members have a means test for entry.
· Third, you have to work at it to get
in.
Here’s one way in which a family is a
closed system. Even the body language is telling because it’s usually like
this. (I folded my arms across my chest in a protective posture.) “When we were
growing up my brother and I fought like cats and dogs. But boy, let anyone from
outside threaten us, and we were a united front!” That sounds like a closed
system except to existing family members.
Here’s number two: the means test.
The way “means test” is usually defined in our society is by financial means,
or money. Specifically, the money or lack thereof to qualify for some sort of
government assistance. In a family, a means
test is usually based on background, ethnicity, education, behavior, and a host
of other things the person trying to get in may not know because they are
unspoken. “My mother-in-law never really had much time for me until I learned
to make friend chicken the way she and her mother did. How was I to know? I’d never even eaten friend chicken until I married her
son?”
Number three: Working at it to get
in. You may think Jesus was defining entry as a mother, sister, or brother as
working your way in by doing the will of God. Instead he knew that God’s grace
is what draws us in and keeps us in. It’s the power of that grace and the desire
to live in that grace that draws us to what the Victorians called “good works”
or what the Gospel this morning calls, “doing the will of God.”
Some years ago I was serving a parish
in Kentucky and Bishop Eugene Robinson gave a talk at a neighboring church. You
need to understand that for him, a simple talk involved danger. He wore a
bulletproof vest because at the time he was getting daily death threats. I
regret to say some of those threats were from Episcopalians. The Kentucky State
Police surrounded the church. It was horrifying to realize we had to walk
between rows of officers to get into the church.
What that experience did was make me think
about today’s Gospel passage from Mark. I think of one of the things Bishop
Robinson said that day. I’m paraphrasing a bit, but here’s the gist of it. “In
the church we are continually called to draw our circle wider. What Jesus does
is to help us remember we’re still drawing circles. Some people are still on
the inside and some on the outside.”
What kind of circles do we draw? Are
there insiders and outsiders? Who might be inside? Who might be outside? What
happens if we open the circle wide? What happens if we erase the circle
completely and let anyone come inside?
If we believe Jesus calls us to join
him, then who are our brothers and
sisters and mothers? AMEN.
The Rev. Nicolette Papanek
©2018
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